so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
4 words: hood of his car
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
