I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I am mentally ready for anal.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
