Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
is that a dick in a sweater?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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