Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
