i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
