We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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