I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
