Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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