I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Soap is not a condiment
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
