I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
