I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
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