there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
