Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Randomize
