nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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