Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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