My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
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