Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
