my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
