No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
