So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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