I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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