I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
