I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Randomize
