u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
