I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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