just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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