so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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