alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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