Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
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