So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
