"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
