went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
They should really pass out barf bags in church
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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