drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
