I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
