Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
