I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize