I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
