shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
