i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
