hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize