Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
