hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
