dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize