Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
