why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
