We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
You are a genius and a whore.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
