Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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