Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
