I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
