hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
