i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
