oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
why do cheetos always look like penises
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
