Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize