She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
She's the barista slut.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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