I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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