i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize