The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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