when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
