there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
