When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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