Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
