Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize