I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
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