can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
