what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize