I'm going to rape someone's good day.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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