And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
