i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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