When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
