But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
