oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
