After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
