guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
