Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
