where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
