if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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