i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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