I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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