Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
i black out too much to be "responsible"
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
