Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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