chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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