Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Drake has all the answers
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize